Sunday, January 30, 2011

Survive Donkey Island: Meet The Donkeys (And the Fish)

All right, friends, we've got our Donkey Island contestants.

Remember, Donkey Island is a series of private poker tournaments that is open to everybody, and the sixteen contestants will simply be playing a prop bet as an overlay (Donkey Island will also be running over in The Dank). Feel free to join in! First one is in 2 weeks, and it's a rebuy!

Survive Donkey Island 001
Full Tilt Poker
$1 + $1 Rebuy
February 13, 2011
9:30 PM EST
password: survive

Team Donkey and Team Fish will be competing for the cash prize pool. The winner will take down literally dozens of dollars. The losers will be killed and eaten where they stand. Here are the Runners, and may God have mercy on their souls.

Team Fish

Team Motto:  "  Go big, or go small.  Either way." 

Al Can't Hang

Plays Poker Like:  Somebody who doesn't get out much.
Survivor Identity: The happy codger.
Strategy for Survival: Display his value by regaling his team with stories about the way things used to be.


Plays Poker Like:  Phil Ivey crossed with a sack of painted rocks.  Mainly the rocks.
Survivor Identity: The rat bastard.
Strategy for Survival: Win his team's trust by spearing fish, cooking them . . . little do those fools know that they are eating POISON FISH BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!  BWAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Plays Poker Like: Um . . . it's Hoyazo, you idjit.  He plays AWESOME.
Survivor Identity: The hot chick.
Strategy for Survival: Lasso tricks and seduction.

The Real Dawn Summers

Plays Poker Like: A Zac Efron fan after the 2nd wine cooler.
Survivor Identity:  The silent assassin.
Strategy for Survival:  Plans to use her Twitter account to get people to call in votes for her. Also, does not realize that this isn't American Idol.


Plays Poker Like: A combination between Fergie and Jesus.
Survivor Identity:  The hot chick's friend.
Strategy for Survival:  Hide in the sand.


Plays Poker Like: The money doesn't matter. And like the chips don't matter. And like strategy doesn't matter.
Survivor Identity:  Good-time Charlie
Strategy for Survival:  KARATE CHOP!!!


Plays Poker Like: Daffy Duck
Survivor Identity:  Abrasive leader who Gets Things Done
Strategy for Survival:  Won't get voted out, because she says so, that's why.


Plays Poker Like: Richard III.
Survivor Identity:  The Clown-baby.
Strategy for Survival:  Doesn't plan to survive. Don't you see the signs? He came here to die, man.  He came here to die.

Team Donkey

Team Motto:  "Yes, we . . . can? I'm going to be honest with you, that doesn't sound right."


Plays Poker Like: He truly believes everything will go his way.
Survivor Identity:  The Mastermind.
Strategy for Survival:  Stay up every night planning.


Plays Poker Like: A pro. By which I mean a prostitute, of course.
Survivor Identity:  The Hyper-Competitive Guy
Strategy for Survival:  Win every single tournament, win the respect of all by laughing in their faces.

High On Poker

Plays Poker Like: Michael Jordan plays baseball.
Survivor Identity:  The Drama Queen.
Strategy for Survival:  First, you get the money.  Then you get the power.  Then you get the women.


Plays Poker Like: He's never played poker.
Survivor Identity:  The Crazy-Like-A-Fox Hayseed
Strategy for Survival:  Just find the winning team, keep your head down, and ride those coat-tails.


Plays Poker Like: Hmm, how to describe it. Well, you remember when you were a kid? You remember how awesome Christmas morning was? The exact opposite of that.
Survivor Identity:  The First One Voted Out
Strategy for Survival:  Abject begging.


Plays Poker Like: Every week was Shark Week.
Survivor Identity:  The Psychopath
Strategy for Survival:  Well, first you need to get an alliance. Next, you have to make sure that you have a few other stringers on board. Then, when all your ducks are in a row, you start burying the Claymore mines and stringing up the piano wire. Once you have all the bodies in one place, it's time to dig the mass graves. I may have said too much.


Plays Poker Like: A ham sandwich.
Survivor Identity:  The Wild Card
Strategy for Survival:  Poodle. Poodle all the way.

Numb Bono

Plays Poker Like: A lost little lamb.
Survivor Identity:  The Girl Next Door
Strategy for Survival:  Snuggling, pictures of kitty cats.


edgie212 said...

I have to back out. I can't make that tourney, as well as some others. Have Dank refund me.

Julius_Goat said...

Edgie, that's no problem, but be aware that it isn't necessary to play every tournament. I sort of expect that most people won't be able to grind out each one. From the initial post:

"I don't want everybody to feel like they have to grind out every event; thus it is not necessary for "contestants" to play every event in order to be able to vote. However, you obviously will need to play an event to win the last-longer for that event."

So, if you don't play, you'll still get to vote for somebody to be eliminated (as long as you haven't been eliminated yourself).

There will be a disadvantage in that you won't be able to lock in immunity from votes for that round, but otherwise you'll be OK.

Anyway, I hope you'll stay in. However, if I don't hear back from you by tomorrow, I'll assume you're out and Dank can refund you.

Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

Me thinks Edgie didn't like your little fictional picture and bio of him, and now is taking his ball and going home.

Word verification: suing

SirFWALGMan said...

How come all the good players are on one team?

Julius_Goat said...

@Hoy -- I doubt it, but I will say that if this post was enough to offend, it is for sure best to jump ship now.

@Waffles -- I honestly can't tell which team you're talking about.

edgie212 said...

No, I dont get offended that easily.
The fact is that I'm temporarily relocating to Atlanta for work like, on that day exactly, and am going to be working nights, so I wanted someone who could really participate to take my spot. Hopefully there will be another installment of it. So, I bequeath my spot to the alternate!

Dawn Summers said...


HighOnPoker said...

Hey Woffles, which team is the suck? Dawn, he'll be back. They always come back.

jamyhawk said...

Votes for sale. Contact Jamyhawk.

Josie said...

This is gonna be good - except I have to wait another 2 weeks???