Saturday, January 1, 2011

11 Resolutions For 2011

1. Every day, compliment one stranger very specifically. "Your knees are not bony in any way!"

2. Finally start seriously trying to use the Force. Emptying the dishwasher just got a lot easier.

3. Build up immunity to iocane powder, just in case.

4. Follow people home without them knowing it. It's important to show you're interested in others. The world does not revolve around me, or at least that hasn't been proven scientifically.

5. You know those 'give a penny take a penny' things? This year is all about TAKE a penny, baby.

6. Spend more time with my kids. Memorize their names.

7. Avoid scurvy. 2011 is the year!

8. Get over losing the high school talent show in 1991 . . .by going back and winning it with a rockin' oboe solo.

9. Stop setting unrealistic goals. Also, write 150 finished pages a week.

10. Lose 40 lbs., possibly in the sofa cushions while napping.

11. Finally do something about my attention deficit diso

3 comments:

Sarah said...

OH, that was so funny. I think you have some real winners in there. And let me encourage you--my life has been so much better since I built up that resistance to iocane powder.

BLAARGH! said...

Nice Goat. Happy New Year, hope you can hold to all of those, especially the las

Iak said...

You are still hilarious. Wow on that.