All the crazy ladies, all the crazy ladies
All the crazy ladies, all the crazy ladies
Put your hands up
If you liked it then you gotta put a skull on it,
If you liked it then you gotta put a skull on it.
Where was I? Oh yeah, Claire went all Cast Away, and turned her little chicken-skull doll into her own personal Wilson. Then she tried to kill Claire while Sayid sat on a bench and acted like he'd just ripped seven monster hits of John and Yoko's temple hash.
Huh. Claire killing Kate. Huh. She's saying 'Help me, Sayid." Sayid. Sayid. Sayid. Sayid. Sounds like "say 'weed' Heh heh. Looks like Kate's getting her throat cut. Interesting. Oh, wow. Have you ever looked at your hand, man. I mean, really LOOKED at it?
Anyway, anybody who thinks Claire has really forgiven Kate? Nah, me either. Let's get started, just as soon as I finish this episode of Little House on the Prairie.
L O S T
* So, Sawyer would have been a cop instead of a crook if Jacob hadn't given him that pen, huh? On the other hand, he would still be totally consumed with revenge. On the other hand, he would have the intestinal fortitude to finally fess up to it to his goodbuddy Miles. On the other hand, whoa-mama! Charlotte cleans up nice! You think he killed the wrong Anthony Cooper down Australia way, much as he iced the wrong guy in Reality 1.0?
* Let me get this straight: Sawyer is a cop, and apparently a good one, but apparently one that is more than willing to help a handcuffed fugitive escape from security at the airport? Help me out here, LOST. Does Kate's mere presence cause logic to stop functioning? The only way I can work this out is if these people begin to revert to their island selves in proximity to one another. Otherwise, flag on the play, insulting our intelligence, 10 yards, loss of down.
* MAN, it is fun watching Sawyer do all of his double-crossing Sawyer things again. Even better? He did it without lying about anything at all, except that in each case, he left out the small point that he is not on anybody's side except for him and those of his friends he can help. He really is going to let the Nemesis walk into a trap. He really is going to betray Widmore. Should be fireworks. I enjoy the fact that Jack has moved into the Locke slot and Sawyer, with his focus on getting all his friends off-island, is in the Jack spot, but in a far more enjoyable Sawyer way. By the way, I think we can take Kate, Sawyer, and Jin out of the evil camp. They are geographically there, but they aren't aligned that way. This indicates that the Nemesis probably can't just whisper honeyed words and get you "infected" or whatever it ends. You gotta die, brotah. Just as Claire was in a house that blew up but "lived" and Sayid was drowned before he could bleed out but "lived."
* Creepiest moment maybe ever was Sayid just sitting there as Claire tried to cut Kate's throat. I'm really sad about Sayid. Death would have been better if this is what he's become. On the other hand, this is Kate, so maybe he was thinking, "Sweet! No more idiotic Kate episodes!"
* Let's try to piece everything together here.
All the Jacobians/innocent bystanders who came along on Ajira, Ilanya excepted, are dead. I think it is equally likely that they were killed by Widmore's people or the Nemesis-as-Smoke. Widmore has come with some portable anti-smoke fenceposts, so I think we can take his anti-Smoke position as writ. If he doesn't want to kill the Nemesis, he's at least aware that the Smoke probably wants to kill him. As a result, Charles Widmore becomes a very problematic character. His access to Dharma technology is only the latest tie he has to the Initiative. It seems very likely that he was a driving influence behind the D.I. even as he was acting as lead guitar and vocals within Richard Alpert's Amazing Hostile Band. He is hostile to Ben Linus, who he views as having stolen the island from him. He is almost certainly the man who sank an airliner's worth of bodies under the waves. He's basically a supervillain, but it doesn't appear that he's aligned with either Jacob or the Nemesis. I think he wants the island, but not for the sake of either the Big Entities. I think he just wants it for him alone. I think it is possible he's more than willing to let Smokey off the island in his submarine if he gets to stay.
Meanwhile, the Nemesis claims he wants to fly Ajira 316 off the island. I hope it becomes clear that this is just a story he's telling, because I don't think I can buy that plane being able to take off from Hydra Island. Maybe if he Smokemonsters it up into the air, but really, if he can do that, he doesn't need the plane anyway. Even if he really does have a viable plan for getting off-island with the plane, he'll need Frank, who is on the Beach of Goodness. We'll just watch this developing story.
In any event, one of Widmore's new batch of mercenaries looks like Spanky from The Little Rascals at about age 16. Just saying I am looking forward to Sawyer's nickname for him.
*Sawyer, to his credit, realizes that it isn't realistic to try to fly Ajira 316 off the island. Sawyer, to his discredit, seems to think that piloting a submarine will somehow be easier. Come on Sawyer. Access your non-stupid side.
* So if you're undercover trying to take down a con man, you can just do his wife to get near him? How does that work? What was the sting there? He was trying to get her to think he was a bad con man so she'd . . . what? Huh? I think they basically looked for a way to get cute about revealing Sawyer's lawman status and didn't try to make too much sense. Did I mention that Sideways Sawyer is about to run into Kate? Yep, the Vortex of Logic is about to get her own share of Sawyer. Meanwhile, Sawyer screws things up with Charlotte so that he can still run into Juliet, hopes my wife and everybody else who cares who Sawyer "winds up" with.
* Honestly, I refuse to care too much about Sideways World until I understand what we are seeing. This had better not be the reality after the first 5 seasons and the more interesting half of Season 6 crawl into a wormhole and disappear into the Never Was. LOST, you've already accomplished the extraordinary, and at this point nothing can take that from you. However, I am begging: Please stick the landing. Any of you out there that think what I have described in this bullet point would be a good way to end it? You're wrong. I'm sorry, it's nothing personal, but you are wrong. That isn't opinion. You just are. It would not be a good way to end it. It wouldn't. I can prove it on an Etch-a-Sketch.
* Locke had a crazy mother. Was the Nemesis referring to that, or did HIS mother also have a few sprinkles missing from her ice-cream cone? Nemesis was at one point allegedly a man, after all. Given my proposed ending to the whole thing last week, I think it's clear that I think that there is an entity currently residing in Locke who once resided in another man. That man, I believe, was one of the previous candidates, perhaps from another time and another place. Perhaps from another reality. I think the same is true of Jacob.
* For those of you keeping score at home, tonight was the 141st-149th Sawyer "sonofabitches.
* How many years would it take for Kate's sundress to disintegrate on Hydra island? A month? Two months? Why didn't she put it on after having bear cage sex with Sawyer? I honestly forget about that. Anyway, good to see the cages again. Blast from the past.
* It is time to give us the stakes of the game. It is time for us to understand what we stand to lose, and what we stand to gain. There's only one way to do it. We need to go back. Not back a little. Back a lot.
Give me Alpert-back or give me death.
L O S T