Sunday, January 4, 2009

Liveblogging the BBmT 001: With Liveblog You Get Liveblog



11:44 In record time, we're in the money!

We're down to the January three.

NumbBono
Mike Maloney
twoblackaces

The busts went like this:

9. bdidde
8. dueyv9
7. smizmiatch (Gnome)
6. sellthekids
5. Pirate Lawyer
4. Julius_Goat

That's right, I bubbled my own tourney. KK fell to 78 and 66. I haven't seen the hh yet but I believe I came in 3rd. Crippled, I raced AQ vs. J8 and lost to the river Jack. What a gross way to go out. Be awhile washing the taste from my mouth. What's that? I had to beat Gnome in grody fashion to even get there? Um, shut yup. Yeah.

Regardless, this was a blast. Thanks one and all for playing!

Honestly, 23 runners was beyond my wildest expectations for this thing. Come back the first Sunday in April and we'll make some more bad decisions.

Oh I am just about to post and TBA is the winner! His A7 got all in pre vs. Numb's A2 and the better hand held.

Congratulations to TBA, the best of the bad bankroll managers and goat sucker.

Congratulations to NumbBono, who made some dough.

Congrats to Mike Maloney, who held on for some sweet scratch.

Congrats to everybody, even jec's dad for railing. Bad Bankroll, Every One!


11:31 We have a final table!

Gnome 19,00
NumbBono 37,100
Julius_Goat 8,800
twoblackaces 6,600
PirateLawyer 7,770
bdidde 7,200
sellthekids 13,400
Mike_Maloney 8,700
dueyv9 13,400

These chips counts were jumping as I called them. Who knows?

And bdidde out in 9th. We put his head on a pointed stick. WE'VE BECOME THE SAVAGES WE FEAR!!! THE MONSTER IS IN US!!!!

11:07 A moment of silence please, for the man, the myth, the points whore, Bayne_S.

Bayne S died of KQ one hand before the break. He is survived by AJ, AT, A9, and A8.

And at the break we are down to 11 runners.

1. Gnome 18,700
2. NumbBono 14,140
3. Julius_Goat 13,520
4. twoblackaces 12,000
5. katitude 11,800
6. PirateLawyer 10,770
7. bdidde 9,500
8. sellthekids 8,056
9. Mike_Maloney 8,020
10. duevv9 5,600
11. HighOnPoker 2,600

Good luck to all. I'm gonna PLAY now.

Which means I'm doomed.

10:56 You remember that episode of the Superfriends where they all died? That totally traumatized me.

In other news, Maigrey made a blind steal with a short stack T4 and had two live vs. Gnome's A8o. However, they didn't come to the party and now our Maigrey is as dead as Batman was in that episode.

Man, that messed with me. SUPERHEROES DON'T DIE WHEN YOU'RE SEVEN! THEY JUST DON'T, OK?

GG Maigrey.

Gnome is chiplead and we are down to 12 as we approach the 2nd break.

10:52 Great luscious mashed potatoes, I am running out of food based colloquialisms! Ozzie boy jeciimd just busted with JQ vs. Gnomes' AJ.

Let's keep our shirts on here, people. I just put in my Red Bull IV and need this thing to last another hour at least.

10:50 Sweet fried biscuits, is this a turbo?? TripJax is out. QJ sooted didn't catch vs. 44, especially when NumbBono's pair made a set on the flop.

Thanks for playing, pally. I'll dump some Zima on the curb for ya.

10:46 Where have all the $mokkees gooooone? Well, I know where the one we know and love has gone. The rail. Poor dood just lost big when his straight got sucked out on as 2 pair became a boat. A few hands later he Keyser Sozed.

10:43 Yep. JoshM67 is out. JTo can't catch A8o. TBA takes the shorty's chips.

10:40 jeciimd just informed me that his dad is railing. Hi JEC's dad!

Also, I keep timing out while I am doing this. I'm taking a break until the next bust.

That ought to cause a bust.


10:36 nzgreen went out while I was on the phone. He pushed an OESD and a pp of nines. Kat tanked and finally called with the overpair of QQ. She clearly didn't like it with the flush draw filled, but that was a nonfactor and her hand . . . I am sensing a theme . . . held up.

nzgreen was crippled and went out the next hand. GG bub and thanks for playing.

KatitUDE now has a MONSTER STACK. FEAR THE UDE.


10:25 LJ is gone, I didn't see how. My floor reporters tell me AJ vs. 88 and 88 held. A likely story. This is like Saving Private Ryan. We're all just meat.

And what's with the pocket pairs holding up tonight? Just another thing to look into, if you are less lazy than me.


10:18 They are dropping now. Blood on the floor. Hoy just raced AQ against Gnome's snowmen and the snowmen, they did not melt. Hoy is not Heat Miser.

Also, somebody gave Maigrey chips. She claims it was Daddy, who just railed. I don't approve of this. Can we get Callistri or Shamus on this?


10:13 Kat continues to clean up. She busts VinNay's A6 sooted with pocket nines and holds up.

FEAR THE KAT. AND THE IT. But especially, especially . .. FEAR THE UDE!

Oh also I bluffed Hoy.


10:11 Astin is dead. QQ into new chipleader dueyv9's aces. We cooked Astin in an orange port sauce and served him on a bed of wild rice with a spiced mango chutney. I have a picture of it here somewhere. Delicious.

GG Astin.


10:00Maigrey is leading out fierce to chip back up as we head to the break. She's played a nice shortstack and has pulled a few hundred more her way, inducing folds with big bets.

9:55 The Russian is cut! The Russian is cut! Katitude wins a pot over 8 grand when Maigrey runs 77 with a gutty into Kat's 88 and doesn't hit.

Maigrey is now bleeding though still holding enough chips to crawl back. Kat's in the proverbial Kat Bird Seat.

9:45 Spoke too soon. Julkeus is out. Ran his pocket sevens into maigrey's rockets and he is High Profile Movie That Did Comically Badly At the Box Office.

Good night, sweet Julkeus. May angels haste you to your rest.

9:43 Status quo poker around here. I'll be back after the break unless there is a big hand.

9:31 Julekus breaks his bad streak by extending Maigrey's. He has KK vs. her AK. Somehow the A never falls and he doubles.

9:26 PM EST.Maloney takes 2700 pot off Maigrey as they flop a pair of Aces each, but Maoney outkicks. Maigrey reps the obvious made straight with a big bet on the river, but Maloney calls.

"Figured you had quads," he says of the unpaired board, "but I was priced in."

Poker Princess holds her peace.

9:22 PM EST.I continue to run goot as Julekus bluffs into my Aces. Near a double up now. I likey.

I realize I'm only blogging me. I'm trying not to suck at this. I have new respect for livebloggers, this is like juggling live ferrets. I will focus on y'all now.

Julkeus is sitting on the dunk tank.

9:13 PM EST.WOOT, early chiplead. I have flush draw and open-ended vs. his top pair and I get there on the river. Donkeys always draw.

I'm going to brain my damage doing this liveblog.

9:09 PM EST.Some stuff has happened. Lots of action. Maigrey took a half decent pot off of hoyazo. At my starting table we have smizmiatch, Julkeus, Mike_Maloney, hoyazo, VinNay, katitude, maigrey and . . . oh yes, me.

9:00 PM EST.Cards in the air. We have 23 runners. Oh my sweet pickles.

8:58 PM EST.OK, we just got bidde and bayne_s and dueyv9 and Julkeus and nzgreen and sellthekids and VinNay on board. I'll link you in a sec but my God if you think I am doing a silly story for you last minute folk, than you think I am almost as stupid as I really am. Try to follow that sentence if you dare.

8:52 PM EST.Let's welcome JoshM67 and NumbBono to the tourney. These two guys are partners on the California Highway Patrol, but totally not in a gay way. At all. Seriously. Their favorite Zappa tune is Valley Girl. Josh, let me know your blog and I will link you.

8:48 PM EST. Let's all welcome maigrey to the tables. We're officially getting all old school up in this mug. Speaking of mugs, Maigrey is known to have a collection of over 5,700 mugs, all of them showing a different paragraph of Tolstoy's War and Peace. Her favorite Frank Zappa tune is Peaches en Regalia.

8:43 PM EST. Harassing Riggstad . . .

8:24 PM EST, Harassing Bayne . . .

8:18 PM EST. Forty-five minutes until the cards fly. Mike Maloney has just made a really bad bankroll decision, bringing the number of runners to 13. Will we crack 20? No. But maybe. Maloney is from Chicago, where he ran a political machine. It made politicians and political accessories. All day long he pushed a button, and out came politicians. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is What's The Ugliest Part of Your Body?.


5:03 PM EST You've waited. You've planned. You've anticipated. Now the day is finally here. Let's get this party started. And what's a party without my party people?

Where my party people at? Here my party people at:


Astin first came to prominence as a top apartchik to then-Kurgestanian Premier Yvgeni Bryvchevskevski. Responsible for keeping the top Slav's stoles from being stolen, Astin ran afoul of the Russian mob and had to pawn all the minks for safe transit to Reno, where he spends his retirement sculpting his boogers and playing triple draw for cigarettes. He's a jumpy chap, always worried that his filched furs will lead to revenge, Eastern-style. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama.

HighOnPoker is well known gorilla-wrestler, which means that he has incredibly strong hands. You can't pry chips out of them, even when you've won, sometimes. That's why it's best to hide bunches of bananas on your person to distract him at key decision points in a tournament. This guy is going to be the first gorilla-wrestler to cross over to straight up cage fighting, they say. So watch out! His favorite Frank Zappa tune is Nasal Retentive Calliope Music.

hoyazo at nineteen years old is the youngest of all BBmT participants, but his career has been studded with big wins, big losses, a trampling, five stabbings, and an overturned peanut cart. He's small but fast, and he's got lots of tricks. For example, his eyes can naturally shift into ultraviolet to see if you've marked the cards with invisible ink. He's a dandy fop who is given to wearing one-piece silk body stockings with top hats, but don't let that getup fool you. Under all that preening is a genuinely awful poker player. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is White Port Lemon Juice.

jeciimd seldom speaks, is seldom seen, seldom smelled, and is seldom found losing at anything. He's the poker equivalent of one of those weasels who won't let go of your foot until you've killed it and surgically removed the lower jaw. Those weasels don't exist, but never mind: jeciimd does. He eats a dozen eggs every morning in omelet form. He learned how to juggle using Ritz crackers. That's about all I know about him. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny.

Julius_Goat looks exactly like Hermey the Elf from the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer cartoon. He doesn't want to be a dentist, though. He wants to be a sandwich. A pastrami, preferably, though he'd also accept Philly cheesesteak. He's very capable of bluffing. In fact, he's ONLY capable of bluffing. There is a rumor going around that he has no brain, just a brain-stem. This rumor has not been discredited by Snopes.com. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?

katitude
has attended nearly 70% of the universities in the North American continent, and she is working on the rest. Maintaining her credits and transcripts keeps thirteen people and one Swede employed, leading her to receive a medal from the Obama administration in 2005. I tell you, those guys got started early. She is the winner of the Tennessee Valley Beehive Championship every single year since 2003, and she's driving all the ladies from St. Louis to Wilmington insane trying to figure out how she does it without any pins at all. In strictest confidence she told me the secret. It's three parts peanut butter and one part axle grease. Don't trust me with your secrets, is what I'm saying. Her favorite Frank Zappa tune is Weasels Ripped My Flesh.

Pirate Lawyer is my grandpa. He's over 83 years old, but he's never played a hand of poker in his life. You'll probably be able to tell, because he plans on mentioning this fact every time he raises. "Classic misdirection!" he cackled at me from the Macon, GA nursing home I drove him to last summer. He was gumming some creamed corn at the time, and the only tooth in his head was the Bluetooth he used to call me. He asked me for some advice, and I told him that you need to raise either 2x the big blind or 90x the big blind. Nothing in between. Little known fact: Pirate Lawyer played the Krakken in the 1981 classic "The Clash of the Titans." His favorite Frank Zappa song is Who Needs The Peace Corps?

pvanharibo invented the little card that explains what beats what in poker. What you don't know is that she included some subtle errors in there, like saying a straight beats a flush and that top pair beats everything. She's since used the misinformation to make a pretty penny, and let's face it, this explains what you see online more than anything else I can come up with. In her spare time, pvanhairbo sneaks into people's homes and magnetizes their silverware. Her favorite Frank Zappa song is Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink.

smizmiatch is an amnesiac who fell in with a bad crowd. He now steals identities, and has in fact stolen his own identity a couple of times. It's either sad or hilarious or bittersweet, depending on who winds up directing and starring in the movie. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is Didja Get Any Onya?

smokkee is THE king of the electric slide. He didn't invent it, but he perfected it. We're still dealing with what he was able to accomplish at the Spencer wedding on June 11, 1997. That would be enough for most, but not enough for smokkee, who has taken his focus and drive and put it all into hubcap competition. Now, there isn't any kind of competition on any level or of any sort involving hubcaps, but don't tell smokkee that! It will just make him MORE determined. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is Hot Poop.

Tripjax steals things. He turns them into art. He's a little girl. He never learned to read. He tried to molest Evel Knieval when they were both teens. He can fit salad tongs up his nose. He works harder than anybody you'll ever meet, and dumber too. It can take him seven hours to empty the dishwasher, and he's dripping with sweat when he's done. He can whistle orchestrally. He wears suspenders on his jockey shorts. His favorite Frank Zappa Tune is Nanook Rubs It.

twoblackaces
is worth more than seven million dollars, but it's all tied up in farm equipment, which makes buying into the big games in Vegas tricky. You have to find a fence who deals in fencing, and that's the worst pun you're getting out of me tonight. That notwithstanding, twoblackaces was the little-known fifth member of Boyz II Men, the one who would always say "Girl" real breathlessly in the filler of every song. His real name is Fraidy Moskovitz. His favorite Frank Zappa tune is Watermelon in Easter Hay.

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5 comments:

Katitude said...

godDAMN you, Goat! You've totally blown my cover as a Canadian!

Now gimme all your chips tonight.

TripJax said...

I didn't realize you knew me so well.

$mokkee said...

dude hubcaps FTW obv

Katitude said...

Thanks for hosting Julius! it's a (mostly) great idea *grin

Dr. Pauly said...

Congrats on being the Bubble Boy in your own tournament.