"I hate Heroes."
Right on, Sylar. Me too.
Remember when the police DID factor in to the storyline? Remember when Parkman was a cop? Remember when he did cop things with his man-faced cop partner? Remember when he wanted to be a detective instead of (face it) a teenaged girl with cerebral palsey's stalker?
Remember when Hiro was actually on a mission to do something instead of just bumbling around the world? Remember when the powers were caused by genetics (remember Papa Suresh's book)? Remember when they'd been around before the eclipse? Remember when eclipses only lasted 5 minutes instead of seven hours? Remember when eclipses could just be predicted by almanacs instead of precogs? Remember when this show sort of seemed to take place in something resembling the real world?
Remember when Sylar was conflicted, yet consistent in his motivation for longer than seven minutes? That guy has the attention span of a border collie whose owner put Red Bull in his dish. In this season alone, he has gone from psycho killer redux, to Ma-trelli's lapdog, to Pa-Trelli's lapdog, to Elle's lapdog, back to psycho killer again. Remember when he already had Elle's powers, so he wouldn't need to steal them again this week?
(The reasoning for this Sylar-back-and-forth was alway vague, and in story terms it accomplished . . . hmmmmmm. Actually, what the hell has been accomplished in story terms? Big zero. Seriously. What's the overall arc? There's a formula that will give everybody powers and that will blow up the world. Remember that? That's the premise. If you forgot that, you are forgiven, because it hasn't really had any forward motion at all in the past six or seven episodes. We've been watching Sylar do the motivational shuffle, and listening to boring conversations about scarecrows.)
Remember when Nathan thought God healed him and was speaking in tongues? Does he still believe in God, or was it the most half-assed conversion ever? Do you think we'll find out who healed him? Do you think he misses Linderman's ghost, or even briefly wonders where Linderman's ghost went? Do you think he'll ever actually go to Washington to be confirmed as a Senator? Do you think that the other Senators are going to give him a hard time for never even showing up to work, which is perhaps understandable if you've been hired as a dishwasher in a Waffle House fifty miles outside of Topeka, but less so if you are one of only 100 citizens who is responsible from legislating from the United States Senate? Has he even been sworn in yet? Has he been impeached for no-call-no-show? What about that shady guy who appointed him, the guy with the Southern accent, who, since he had the power to appoint a Senator from New York, must be first Southern governor of New York -- what about him? Is he wondering where his new Senator and his consultant with benefits Tracy have gotten to? DO YOU SEE HOW LAZY THIS IS?
Remember when Bennett was smart enough not to hide his daughter from Sylar by taking her back to the abandoned house that is one of the few places that all three of them (Noah, Claire, Sylar) had recently all been together? Remember when he was smart enough to not get the bad guys in his sniper crosshairs, and then let them make out, have sex, cuddle, and notice his unneccessary aiming laser, before taking the shot?
Remember when Inky Sue left town? SHE LEFT TOWN DAMMIT!!!! DO NOT!!!! BRING HER!!!! BACK!!!!
Remember when a character could die on the operating table (how does cracking the chest solve systemic infection?) and another could get their throat cut, and there would be maybe a little bit of tension?
Remember when Mohinder wasn't a total idiot? OK, I made that one up.
It is official. Season three is even worse than season two, by the same factor that season two was worse than season one.
Oh, the Haitian resolved the long-standing issues with his brother. Cool. We just heard about those a week ago. Powerful moment, Heroes. Oh, Bennett is a morally conflicted psuedo government spook again. Oh, Claire hates her dad she loves her dad she hates her dad she loves her dad she hates her dad she loves her dad she hates her dad YAWN.
It's like they just reach into the Character cookie jar, and then the Motivation cookie jar, and then the Plot Point cookie jar, and that's it for each episode.
Here, I found the Heroes writers Mad Libs plot form for the next two episodes and have scanned it in. Click to make big.
Allow me to paint the future for you . . .
I really can't take much more of this. It's a really, really, really bad show. It isn't even funny anymore. I feel like I am making fun of a retarded kid now.