Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Heroes 002: Sylar's The Illest Power-Plucker From Here To Gardenia

Nicely done, "Heroes", nicely done.

You kept things moving along just briskly enough, gave us just enough cool dynamic (Hey, you got Sylar in my Noah! You got Noah in my Sylar!) to keep us from realizing that so much of it makes no sense.


Good first. Always the good first:

1) Mohinder. Totally absent excpet for his super-annoying voice over powers. This is always good and leads to enhanced coherence.

2) Trace-nikkica. The final scene when she met with creepy fertility doctor Zimmerman ("You're the one from Beverly Hills") served the triple functions of (1) actually paying off yet another Ali Larter look-alike character AND (2) bringing back the long-abandoned subplot, first put forward in Season 1 by Linderman, that Jessikki had been genetically planned to create Michah, AND (3) suggesting the much more interesting premise that there might be more than three of them wandering around. Soon enough I'll be referring to the character as Alice-BrandMandy-ikk-essic-tracegelina-Sue. Which will not be convenient. I'll need to make a macro.

3) Sylar/Bennett. Whenever you get two of the most interesting characters together, you're going to have enjoyable scenes. "You drink decaf, right, Noah?"

4) Ando. "I'm being awesome!" Yes, you are, Ando. However briefly, yes you are.


Now for the silly.


1) Claire's Biological Mom. How did Claire's parents know about her? When did they find out about her? When why where how hooooooooo??? Blah. You see? You see? They just throw stuff at the wall and hope that previous episodes don't stick.

2) Micah is super-orphaned and sitting lonesome in the most poorly-attended funeral ever. Where is his cousin? We all done with that? What about Ohura?

3) Moment In Which We Are Supposed to Forget About Superpowers I. Bennett, to the Haitian: "I'm just keeping him around until I find his weakness. And then I kill him."

Haitian, thinking: "Dude, I negate powers and you have a gun. What are we waiting for? Let's walk in there and then bang bang bang bang."

It could have become a Doctor Evil/Scott Evil thing pretty quickly, that's all I am saying.

4) Moment In Which We Are Supposed to Forget About Superpowers II. Hiro, you travel through time. You do. That's the damn power. Now go back in time and tell your stupid self not to open the safe, which is the one very simple think your dead dad Mr. Sulu told you NOT to do. Problem? Totally solved.


Now for the purely annoying.

1) Sylar/Bennett. Look. "Heroes" writers. Fellas. You have to decide what is up with Sylar, mmmkay? He's a great psycho, and his whole thing was that he was driven to be more, that he has some pathological need to be seen as special. Hence, all the brain slicely pokey power-stealy unibrow-eyeglare-y. And yes, he's had mommy issues, but if he was confronted by Ma Patrelli and freed, he'd open her head and take her precognitive dreams. Likewise, if he were teaming with Bennett, he'd stick around just to have access to the superpowered pu-pu platter that the bank heist represented, but he'd damn sure make sure he killed Bennett and sliced open every last head like so many ripe papayas. And the Sylar we know would NEVER go willingly back into a cell after taking a power. That's just nonsense.

2) Hiro. Remember Future Hiro, with the soul patch and the leather and the ass-kicking? It is time to start evolving Hiro in that direction. This cutesy push-the-glasses-up-act-like-an-eight-year-old is really starting to wear thin. Also, his speedster nemesis has the most awkward looking run ever when slowed down by the Haitian. And she is cross-eyed (see photo, above, if you doubt me). Really bad, dull, repetitive stuff from what used to be one of the best characters. Let's let Hiro evolve, please.

3) Alice-BrandMandy-ikk-essic-traceygelina-Sue. Hey, remember when Jessica/Nikki's split personality was caused by an abusive father, and not by some form of genetic tampering? Oh well.

4) The Company. I'll save my manifesto regarding the fact that nothing about the Company makes any sense at all for a later date. But just ponder for a moment that we know that Bennett was trying to protect Claire from the company until Claire was taken by the Haitian to Ma Patrelli who was also protecting her from the company but who we know now is actually on the board of directors of the Company and then Bennett teamed up with the Haitian to bring down the company even though we know the Haitian reports to Ma Patrelli of the Company, though in that one episode he betrayed the Company by not taking Claire's memory and then warning her about the Company. Got that? Me either.

5) Parkman. Just last week I was wondering about his wife and kid. Apparently they have simply been painted over by a Brittney Spears-obsessed Sudanese gent with precognitive drawing abilities and something on his walkman that makes your soul go away (I am guessing Nickelback). If only it were that easy to paint over our memories, "Heroes" writers. If only it were that easy.

9 comments:

$mokkee said...

Bennett knew who Claires real parents were thats why he brought in fakes when she wanted to find out who they were.

agreed Sylar needs to stay on the Vilain side. not sure what they're trying to do there.

i still find it funny when Hiro gets punched in the face an hits the felt. good shit.

Jessica doesn't need more personalities. i have to explain to Tina wtf is going on. eff that shizz

Anonymous said...

This blog is fast becoming the only thing I look forward to with each new episode.

DuggleBogey said...

Using the Haitian's power and shooting Sylar wouldn't work, unless the Haitian stayed with him FOREVER. As soon as the Haitian left Sylar would come back to life.

SilverVW said...

Nice write up and I agree, there are some story lines that are sticking to the wall that should have been deleted (and Hiro does need to move forward).

It would have been nice if Sylar recruited the villains in the bank, future Peter flies in, big fight scene, run with it for a couple of episodes then resolve it.

I wonder if Hiro's 'friend' from Japan will ever get dug up. He is just lying there passing time bored out of his skull.

Julius_Goat said...

Shoot Sylar, cremate him, and either put the ashes in a vial around the Hatian's neck or just scatter them.

Better still, get Hiro to scatter parts of them in different times.

Alan aka RecessRampage said...

Heroes has started to get boring but now, I gotta keep reading it just so I can enjoy your recap.

I was laughing my ass of in the section 3) Moment In Which We Are Supposed to Forget About Superpowers I.

muhctim said...

Sell Sylar a life insurance policy. Name some other x factor as the beneficiary. Bring in the Hatian,shoot him, keep him dead long enough to cash in, and repeat as needed. Who needs to turn lead into gold when they can print money?. . .come to think of it, wasn't Ned Freyerson a life insurance salesmand ? Coincidence?? I think not.

Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

Dooooood Alan, you so do not need to watch Heroes at all in order to enjoy these posts.

I have to say, just reading this shit and the comments makes Heroes look like the world's Most Stooopidest Show Ever.

Great post, as always. Keep them coming. Can't believe Lost is coming back in only 14 more years!!

Anonymous said...

Heroes 003? Pretty please?