Thursday, September 25, 2008

Heroes 001: I Could Use A Little Lesshinder

OK, I'm taking a break from alienating my conservative readers and getting back to the basics.  

No, not poker.  TV.

"Lost" may not be back until February, but that doesn't mean that I can recap the other byzantine supernatural episodic show that I watch.   Unlike "Lost", which built upon a fabulous first season and rebounded into a mystery that deepens with every new installment, "Heroes" built upon a fabulous first season into a cheeseball explosion of silliness and missed cues, to the point that I am now watching the show as a comedy.  Honestly, the second season of that show made so little sense that I think it might have been a $700 billion bailout (Yeah, I'm still alienating some of you.  I can't help it!  I can't!).

Here goes:

The stuff I liked about the first two episodes of Season 3 of "Heroes".


1) Syler picking Claire's brain. That was the kind of stuff that we had in season one, just totally wrong type of stuff.

2) Some of the special effects.

3) Ma Patrelli. The fact that she's Sylar's mom was not bad. That's one I didn't see coming.

4) Super fast chick.

5) Scorpionface.


Here are the Big Problems:


1) Internal Inconsistency. There is seemingly no attempt from season to season to remember what went before, or why. So, we have blonde actress playing a completely different character, which I assume is tied plot-wise to Nikki/Jessica, but quite frankly I think it is possible that they cast the actress and forgot that she's already been on the show as somebody else. To illustrate this chronic problem, I give you today's episode of "This Week In Mohinder"


Mohinder: Ow!

Inky Sue: Oh my God! I'm sorry! Also, boobs!

Mohinder: I just dropped off Molly at the mumble mumble. So don't worry about her. She's going to mumble mumble and will be mumble.

Inky Sue: Great! Now you can cure me of my inky eyes!

Mohinder: NO! I AM QUITTING!

Inky Sue: What? Why?

Mohinder: Because in all my time, I haven't found one clue that would allow me to make progress in removing powers from anybody!

Inky Sue: But . . . you you you developed just such a serum! It was last season! About 3 days ago within the chronology of this show.

Mohinder: . . .

Inky Sue: It was from the blood. It was a Chanti virus extract.

Mohinder: . . .

Inky Sue: The Chani virus? Named after your sister? You developed an antibody from her blood that would take away someone's powers?

Mohinder: . . .

Inky Sue: You used it on Jessica/Nikki? You had a crisis of consious about using it on Micah's cousin?

Mohinder: . . .

Inky Sue: You were working for the Corporation, and in fact still are?

Mohinder: Grapes?

Inky Sue: I'm getting frustrated now! You get the inky eyes!!!

Mohinder: Arrgggley.

Inky Sue: [Calms herself]

Mohinder: What just happened?

Inky Sue: I DID THAT THING THAT I WAS JUST TELLING YOU ABOUT! WHICH YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT!!!!

Mohinder: How did it stop?

Inky Sue: I . . . just calmed myself down. Which is weird, because that was the only function that my brother served. He died about a day ago. Pretty lucky I can do it all by myself now with no explanation, huh?

Mohinder: Whatever. I just figured it out! It's in the blood!

Inky Sue: YOU FIGURED THAT OUT LAST SEASON NUMB NUTS!!!

Mohinder: I'll just use your blood to make a serum that gives people superpowers!

Inky Sue: But you wanted to take them away!

Mohinder: Whatever! [Injects himself] What could go wrong? Hey! I'm strong! And on speed! And YOU HAVE BOOOOOBS!!!! Hey why are grubs growing out of my back??

Audience: YES!! Goooooo grubs!



Join us next week on "This Day In Mohinder" when Mohinder says nothing of value!

Other examples: 

* Peter has totally stranded his Irish girlfriend in a hell future.  That's fine by itself, but the show isn't dealing with it.  At all.  We're never going to revisit this in any meaningful way, or deal with what that means for Peter's character.

*  Is Parkman's wife still pregnant?  

*  Does Parkman know that Molly has been shipped off to mumble mumble? Are he and Mohinder still living together? Are they still in love?

*  Claire said she "always loved" Peter. It did not seem platonic. Have the show creators really forgotten that Claire is Peter's neice? It's actually possible.

*  Are we just going to leave all the secret items of the secret Company from the end of Season 2 down under the basement there? That's the plan is it?

It's not that these things are not being dealt with. They are just forgotten. Major motivations. Major plot devices. Blazzle-poof. Gone. Never mind.  Also, if Claire can't ever be killed, then the whole Sylar stalks her thing from Season 1 means nothing in retrospect.  Total defusion of tension  On that subject . . .


2) Total Defusion of Tension.  Some of these people are so powerful that they either kill the dramatic tension or make the tension seem contrived.

a) Claire. Claire's blood can bring anybody back from the dead. So, death no longer means anything at all. Ned Ryerson the Goldboy is dead? Not for long. Nathan is dead? Nah. The whole world dies? Just whup up a Claire's Blood Milkshake.

b) Peter. Let's see, you can change your appearance, stop time, time travel, teleport, fly, invulnerable, lightning hands, prophetic dreams, invisible, a whole happy meal of other powers. You want to stop your brother from saying something.  Just shooting him in the chest with a gun is your best answer? Truly?

c) Hiro. Same deal. Also, when did he get functionally retarded? Just open the safe you were told not to open, and, once opened, putting it back in the safe is not an option.


3) Stereotype. Parkman has found his own Magic Negro. How swell for him. This isn't going to be painfully sucky.

And can I just sing a brief ode to the dumbness of Matt Parkman?  He realizes that Peter is the most powerful person in the world, suspects him of foul play, and then just confronts him about it.  Alone.  In a closet.

Enjoy your desert, Matt.


4) Repetition. The "future we must prevent" storyline was fun the first time. But come on, there have to be other stories to tell. We're just going to keep running through the same fun thing over and over and over until it tastes like truck struck weasel? Who's running the show? M. Night Shamalyan?

Oh, and in this week's episode, we learn that Peter just basically stranded Claire and everybody else in a hellish future that no longer exists. I guess that's a new hobby of his. Fun.


5) Overacting. My eyes! The goggles do nothing!


6) Repetition. The "future we must prevent" storyline was fun the first time. But come on, there have to be other stories to tell. We're just going to keep running through the same fun thing over and over and over until it tastes like truck struck weasel? Who's running the show? M. Night Shamalyan?

Oh, and Peter just basically stranded Claire and everybody else in a future that no longer exists. I guess that's a new hobby of his. Fun.


In short, Season 3 is (so far) a bit better than Season 2. But who would you brag to about that?


9 comments:

Astin said...

Dammit man!

It's "My eyes! The goggles! They do nothing!" Said in an outrageous fauxstrian accent.

I know I'm to be co-secretary of education, but I didn't think that involved edumacating the president!

Also, Mohinder sucks. I hope this whole he-has-super-powers thing is actually am homage to The Fly and not a blatant rip-off.

And remember - Peter, much like Superman, is a dick.

DuggleBogey said...

You're completely forgetting the Haitian. The Haitian is the "Wesely Crusher" of Heoroes. Got a plot hole? The Haitian did it. Someone does something stupid or out of character? The Haitian made them forget!

The Haitian is a get-out-of-jail free card for the show.

When we find out about Nikki/Jessica's mysterious transformation into blond senator's slut, the Haitian will be involved.

Julius_Goat said...

Astin, Duggles,


The Hatian made me forget the line from mid-90's The Simpsons and also to mention the Hatian.

Anonymous said...

Excellent analysis, husband.

This:

Mohinder: I just dropped off Molly at the mumble mumble. So don't worry about her. She's going to mumble mumble and will be mumble.

made me actually LOL.

1Queens Up1 said...

Astin,

I was half expecting to see Gina Davis appear.

I can't friggin wait for Lost to come back, although now that Jin got busted for DUI his character might not make it back...

Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

Dam man. I have never watched Heroes, nor will I, other than one 15-minute attempt during Season 1 when I accurately determined that the show was in fact totally ghey.

So I don't get anything you're talking about in this post. At all. And yet, I still cracked myself silly reading it. Between the bailout comment (well done sir) and then the Ned Ryerson reference at the end, I am so with you man. If you say this season sucks, I believe you.

Amanda said...

This is fricken' hilarious. See, I enjoy the show so much because I can't remember all those dumb little details you remember. It's cheap, easy, mindless entertainment for me. Thanks for your posts and keep them coming. I gives me more entertainment for my buck!

KajaPoker said...

I agree with everything you say but have a few things to add:

1) Mohinder Night Shamalyan? Hmmm...

2) Inky Sue: Wow, my accent is almost completely gone! Overnight! And for an I-just-walked-here-from-South-America-across-the-border-chick I can afford all these fancy new clothes, too! America is great!

3) I think it's called Inter-Season-Amnesia. It's well documented. The Haitian did it.

Alan aka RecessRampage said...

Wait, is it just me or were there sections here that were repeated?

freakin hilarious post as always.