Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Meet The Final Table 007: Ivan Demidov

Once again, a bio of one of the 2008 WSOP Finalists, all of whom I know personally.

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Name: Ivan Demidov

Age: 214

Occupation: Ninja, U.S. Presidential Candidate

Nickname: Strangely, "Ivan Demidov" is a nickname. The man's real name is Chip-Slick Slim Buddy-Ace, so you can see why he just sticks with the sobriquet. Call him by his given name and you might just get an ashiko in your jugular.

Poker Style: Surfs the crest of variance's wave. Sucks out way more often than most.

Card Capper: Nothing but a firm glare and a poker chip.

Favorite Country Song: How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? , by Sandy Sun.

Brief Bio: Ivan trained me at UC Berkeley in the deadly art of the ninja, and he certainly made an impression on the whole class. In fact, he killed all but two of us. Cadaverous in appearance, mercurial in nature, and deadly as month-old sushi, Ivan Demidov resides in a short castle on a tiny island just north of South Padre in Texas with his pet Komodo Dragon, Steve, and his major domo, Beatrice, who makes a delicious quiche and assists Ivan with housekeeping, appointments, and light killing.

Born in the early 1800's in Philadelphia, Ivan has preserved himself through diet and meditation, and also he might be lying about his age. Don't tell him you suspect tomfoolery, though. He'll cut you, I promise. He's an old guy, but he can still run up a building and put a sai in your eye.

Every four years, Ivan runs for president as the official nominee of the Ninja Party. They favor elimination of taxes on payments for assassinations, incentives for grappling hook investment, a repeal on the embargo on throwing stars, chigiriki, and neko-te. They also favor open markets, a strong military, mandatory stealthiness for schoolchildren over the age of twelve, solar and wind development, and, of course, the liberal use of pirates in medical experiments.

In 2004, he got 35 votes, and he hopes that his run in the WSOP will allow him to improve upon that record.

Fun Fact: Ivan likes to knit.

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