Sunday, March 16, 2008

LOST 014: An Officer And A Jin-tleman

L O S T

We almost got a Jerry Springer moment there, didn't we? Juliet was all, "Sun's going to die", and Jin was all "You can't turn me 'gainst my woman," and so then Juliet was all "I don't know why you trippin', you ain't even that babydaddy," and Jin was all "Who said what in the who now?" and Sun was all "Oh no bitch no you di'int!", and then came the slapping and I was waiting for the bouncers to have to intervene. I just hope that Juliet will be there late at night to fill the baby's sippy cup with Moutain Dew. She owes Sun, man.

Seriously, this was a heart wrencher of an episode. And again, with one of the couples we actually care about! You see, Lost writers? Take a look at Sun and Jin, study that up, and figure out what it is about them that makes us care. Then see if you can apply it to Sawjackate. Right now those are about as interesting as your college roomate, his fifth crazy girlfriend and the punk from the soccer team with whom she's cheating on him.

So now we have the O6 Starting Lineup, or so they claim:

Cue The Final Countdown, please. Let's break this down in the style of the Detroit Pistons' announcer.

At the POINT . . . from the University of Fingernaaaail Pliiiiiars . . . at five-foot-two-and-we're-being-charitable . . . The Scorcherer! The Torturer! It's the khaki Iraqi, he'll hurt you in your throat arms and feet . . . SAAAAAAAAYID!!!

At shooting guard . . . from the College of Total Delusion . . . the tag-along who you want to tag, her storyline can make you gag, she can run all daaaaaaay, please put your hands together for KAAAAAAAAATE!

The power forward from Bilingual University . . . a widow and a widow-makah, she's got the pepper in her shakah, ninety pounds of pregnant worry, she's the Korean Fury . . . in her oven there there's a bun, the FIVE foot ONE . . . SUUUUUUUN!

The SMALL forward and I DO mean small . . . born on the island after the crash, head like a turnip with bad diaper rash . . . he's been prodded by Dharma and he don't know his mama . . . at five inches and three FEET, Kate don't want to share him, people please MEET and GREET . . . AAAAARON!!!!

The DOCTOR is IN . . . Be on your baddest behavior cuz he wants to save ya, he'll slice ya, he'll dice ya, he'll hurt you bad, he's got a drunken dad . . . the CENTAAAAAAAAH! IS! BACK! Say helloooooooooOOOOO to JAAAAAACK!!!!!

Taking up the WHOLE BENCH . . . He's never rude and calls you "Dude", a mind that's squirrely, he's BIG . . . . he's BURLEY . . . MAKE SOME NOISE FOR HUUUUUUURLEY!!!!!!


OK, that was fun. The great thing is that there is even now plenty of wiggle room as to the identity of the O6, mainly because of Aaron. He wasn't technically on the Oceanic 815 manifest, but he was onboard in utero and I suspect that a media created name like "Oceanic Six" wouldn't be cutting the salami quite so fine as to exclude him.

But he may be a secret. Kate certainly seems to to want to keep him under wraps. My point is this: I'm drunk.

So we may have a surprise member of the O6 hitting us sometime later this season, I'm just saying is all. And let's not forget Jack's testimony. Only eight survived the crash, he said, and two of them later died. So we have a couple corpses coming off the bench for the Losties. Let's guess that Jin's one of those, shall we? I didn't notice at the time, but all the other Lost sites did: Jin's gravestone had a date of death that matches the date of the plane crash. This leads to rampant speculation that he's not dead, but is in fact just back on the island with the rest of the Abandon-eers.

I don't buy it. Sun was typically vague: "I miss you," etc., but if Jin weren't dead, there wouldn't be any point in here going to visit his grave. Nor would Hurley have said, "We should go visit Jin." No, I think Jin is dead, and he may have come off the island, but in a body bag. The wrong date on his headstone may just be another side effect of the Big Lie that the O6 have found themselves telling. But I do think Jin is doooooooooooooomed.
By the way . . . whose lie is it? It's not Abbadan's lie, because he tried to get at Hurley. "Are they still alive?" he asked. Abbadan hasn't bought the myth, but he's clearly not behind it. And since Abbadan sent Naomi, and Naomi is behind the freighter expedition, and the freighter expedition is funded by Widmore Corp . . . well, let's just say I think that the lie the O6 are telling is the lie of that lying lying liar, Benjamin LIE-nus.

DON'T TRUST THE CAPTAIN is what the note read. Sayid is taking it to heart, too. Something happens on the boat to convince him not to believe Captain Forthcoming and his black box. Remember, he's sided with Ben in the future. I am starting to suspect that they all have. Imagine a scenario in which eight of the castaways, and Benjamin, manage to get onto the freighter and overpower it. Probably the freighter crew is killed or dies during this time. At any rate, it doesn't look so good for them. They are dying off one per episode, and that bloody Rorsach test on the wall suggests yet another death. We hardly knew ye, Minkowski. See you later, Alison Chains, glub glub glub. She was holding her book upside down, so it seems like there's some severe disorientation happening. Ben tells them how to get off, and he gives them their story. He's the one who knows where they are going, and why, and when. The O8 would have to acquiesce. Then two of them get killed real good, and we have ourselves six. My guess for the two stiffs are Jin and Michael. Just a theory.

Also, I still think that the island is the Garden of Eden, guarded by an angel of smoke and holding the fruit of eternal life. We'll see how that one pans out.

Some random thoughts:

* Who wants to hear what's on the black box? Me too! Me too!

* Who thinks that might be a fake black box? Me too! Me too!

* Where'd the helicopter go? Not back to the island, I'm guessing.

* The janitor on the boat is none other than . . . former Phoenix Suns guard Kevin Johnson! Wow, some ex-ballers get a nice job in broadcasting, and some have to mop up brainspatter out of the roach room. Kevin sure got the fuzzy end of the lollypop considering that he can drive left, drive right, dish with ease and shoot the three. Maybe this is payback from Charles Barkley for his stinking up the joint in 93.

* I don't think Benjamin orchestrated the Oceanic crash; I still think it was Widmore. Both of these are bad brothers, and Widmore may just be worse. That being said, it would be pretty easy to get your hands on 300 plus bodies if you had your own island gassing kit, no?

* The person in the coffin is definitely not a member of the O6, as the funeral was unnattended, with no media. The O6 being apparently more famous than Brangelina, we can safely make this assumption. Starting to seem more and more like Ben in that box, ain't it?

* By the way, we're going to have to start paying close attention to timelines for hints, especially between the boat and the shore. This from Lostpedia: "Sun claims early in the episode (on the night of Day 97, the scene at night when they are discussing baby names) that it has been 3 days since Sayid and Desmond left the Island, matching the helicopter flight at dusk on day 94. The next morning (Day 98?), Sayid says to Desmond that 3 days ago Ben told Sayid that Ben had a man on the boat. That was the same day that Sayid and Desmond left with Lapidus on the helicopter, suggesting that Sayid and Desmond have lived 3 days since the helicopter transport where the Island population is now in their 4th day. This matches the flight time discrepancy of a 20-40 minute flight taking a day and a half in Island time. "

Got that?

* In other news, Locke is still deeply, profoundly stupid. I'm guessing it's going to take about 5 more minutes of the Locke camp storyline for Ben to firmly take the upper hand.

Join us next time when we hear Michael say:

"Seriously, did anybody NOT know I was Ben's man on the ship?"

L O S T

2 comments:

Gunslinger said...

Jin's date of death on the tombstone being the date of the crash would indicate to me that the O6 cover up story has him dying in the crash, therefore, not one of the two "survivors". I do think that he is really dead, not alive on the island, that scene at the grave was too real for it to be for appearances.

Blogio said...
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