Thursday, February 21, 2008

Michael Craig Is The Bee's Knees

As an annonymous poster postulated and reminded, I've been remiss in my celebration of Michael Craig Is Awesome Month, featuring Michael Craig.

There's a very good reason. I'm lame. Also, unexpectedly busy at all levels of my life. But mainly? Laaaaaaaaaaaame.

But fear not! The Michael Craig love train will not stop! I am resolute!. Without further ado (or at least only government-approved trace levels of ado) I present you with today's five reasons that Michael Craig Is Friggin' Awesome, not counting his excellent poker writing:

5) Michael Craig is a T3000 robot from an apocalyptic future. You know, one of the ones that's trying to help us.

4) Michael Craig once wrestled a grizzly bear to death on live TV. Howard Cosell was covering the event and was so impressed, he threw his underwear up on stage.

3) Michael Craig was the real life model for the character of Jean-Robert Bellande, on CBS's thrilling hit mystery drama Survivor.

2) Michael Craig was the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse, before they split for "creative differences."

1) Every single person in the state of Alaska is descended directly from Michael Craig.

Come back soon for more fun facts about Michael Craig, not to mention worksheets and paper dolls.*

* No, there won't really be paper dolls.**

** But there might be.


Michael Albert said...

(2) needs a citation surely? Or at least an acknowledgment. :)

Astin said...

Tune in tomorrow for "Michael Craig is the Cat's Meow!"

followed by "Mike Craig is peachy keen!"

and then "Mike is the [insert antiquated idiom for excellence here]"

Laziness will eventually take over and result in "MC something something"

Julius_Goat said...

Michael Albert:

Not sure what you mean, though I was definitely going for a Chuck Norris Facts / Bill Brasky story feel. I don't remember that particular one being in existance in either category, but . . .

it's entirely possible that (2) isn't original Goat, though when I wrote it, it was intended as such.


Michael Albert said...

Good, absolutely, was all intended in good fun.

Source I was thinking of is "Thief of Time" by Terry Pratchett, where exactly the scenario you describe plays a central role in the plot.

But of course, great minds think alike ... (and fools seldom differ.)

Julius_Goat said...

Wow, I've never even heard of "Thief of Time", though I have in fact heard of thieves. And time.

I'll have to check that book out.

Really? Howard Cosell? Bear? Underwear?

Am I being fished in here?

Michael Albert said...

No, no, just #2 (and you'll be happy to know that in that novel the five horsemen ride again to save the world.)

For the rest, you'll have to take personal responsibility ;)

SirFWALGMan said...

More like The aids on a skanky crack hoes ass but I guess if he gives you money he owns you. Buy a goat for 100 bucks. Woo hoo!

bayne_s said...

$109 dollars.

Goat is a marginally more expensive Ho than you gave him credit waffles.

Julius_Goat said...

Actually $129, y'all, but let's not argue about how many ho's can dance on the the head of Waffles . . . I mean, a pin. I can be bought for way, WAY less than that.

Ah, sweet, buttery Waffles. Must I apologize to you once again for bruising your tender, peach-like feelings and sensibilities?

I see that I must.

Oh Waffles, I am sincerely and hair-shavingly sorry for having lived up to my end of an agreement. Please, when you think of me, don't think of me keeping a promise. Remember instead the good times we've had. The trips to Coney Island. The walks on the beach. The time you got stuck in quicksand and got over a hundred chiggers on your legs and spare tire.

But you needn't be so jealous of Michael Craig and his prowess, Waffles. Just ship me $50 via Full Tilt or Poker Stars, and I will extoll your virtues for a week and a day.

Yours With Awe and Fear,


Eric a.k.a. Bone Daddy said...

Goat, there is no way you are married or even have a girl friend, as once again you prove that you have way to much time on your hands to think of things like this and stupid system.

Julius_Goat said...

L to the O to the L, BoneDaddy.


Actually, I have a wife and three children under four years old. Time? What is this 'time' you speak of?

Believe it or not, most posts take me about 15 minutes to spit out. A Stupid/System will take about 20-30 minutes, but there I have an image to create.

This one took much much less than 10 min.

I am really more of a 5 minute ho.

Buddy Dank said...

I love it! Good stuff.

HighOnPoker said...

(1) Let us not see any more posts until your LOST recap is up.

(2) If I pay you $129, will you sing my praises for a month? (Please address #1 first).