Table Profiles 004: Rig A. Myroll

General Profile: One of the saddest cases in all of online poker. Much like the lab rat who keeps eating poisoned cheese and touching the bar the delivers a shock, Rig A. Myroll plays games that he believes are rigged.

Natural Habitat: Rig can be found on a totally rigged online poker site, against his better judgement. He can also be found composing 78,000 word 2+2 posts from his mom's basement showing conclusive proof from his extensive sample of over 2,000 hands of play that Kings and Aces get cracked nearly 33% of the time in multi-way pots.

Strengths: Has a lot of confidence in his abilities. EXTREMELY successful in live play, where luck is not a factor, such as that one time in Vegas and his monthly home game. Can eat a French Bread oven pizza without burning his mouth. Can take his cousin to the prom.

Weaknesses: Self-fulfilling prophecies. Goes from giddy to tilt in 0.793 seconds. His "happy place" resembles a mosh pit filled with gouty rats.

Motto: Typical Riverdog poker, even worse than Ultimate River or Riverstars or Parariver Poker or Pacific River or Party Suckout or Full River River or . . .

Favorite Hand: He has no favorite hand they all lose in this fixed nonsense they only want the ****ing rake AND THEY JUST LET THE NOOBS ****ING WIN ALL THE TIME BECAUSE THEY WANT US TO BUY IN AGAIN.

In the iPod: Theme from Shaft.

Hobbies: Telling you that you are lying if you say you win long-term. Harboring suspicions. 911 conspiracies.

Care & Feeding: It is important to know that Rig A. Myroll is beyond hope of recovery. You can't save Rig, you can only help him to a peaceful and dignified end.

The way to do this is to make sure that you confirm his every suspicion to the best of your ability. A good way to do this is to chat as though you were pre-programmed.

Example:

Hero wins pot ($11)

Rig A. Myroll: OMG.
Hero: I am sorry bester luck next time.
Rig A. Myroll: OMFG.
Rig A. Myroll: You just keep chasing those up and down straight flush draws and you keep HITTING!
Rig A. Myroll: Hero's totally a bot.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Rig A. Myroll: System of chasing and getting INCREDIBLY LUCKY
Hero: Luck is an illusion, would you like to play again?
Rig A. Myroll: Right, if you aren't a bot then you are the worst player ever. And the luckiest.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Hero: Luck is an illusion, would you like to play again?
Rig A. Myroll: You already said that, you dillhole
Rig A. Myroll: Fine, I believe that you are a person since you are chatting.
Rig A. Myroll: That guy who won with 89 and left, though, HE was a bot.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Rig A. Myroll: Hey, what's going on?
Hero: Are you going somewhere?
Rig A. Myroll: You keep repeating.
Rig A. Myroll: Hey everybody, look at what happens when I say something to Hero!
Rig A. Myroll: Bot.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Rig A. Myroll: Bot.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Rig A. Myroll. OMG, a bot.
Hero: I am sorry bester luck next time.
Rig A. Myroll: Bot bot bot bot bot bot bot bot bot bot
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system.
Hero: I am not a bot I play according to a system play according to ato a system play according system not a bot not a bot not a bot not a bot SYNTAX FATAL ERROR SEE 45SQL029as.
Rig A. Myroll: I have to go post on 2+2.

Rig A. Myroll stands up.

Hero: Dave? Dave? I'm scared Dave.

As you can see, it is entirely possible to take Rig's entire roll and leave him as happy as a pig in filth. Please take this lesson to heart and consider that poker does not need to be a heartless endeavor, whether played on real or virtual felt.

Gearing Up

"Shall we dine?"
"Sure, can we eat first?"
-Love and Death

After a hellaciously busy June (including a business trip to NYC where I met my first honest to goodness poker blogger, the inimitable Hoyazo, who is as Hoyish in person as he is in his blog and-I-mean-that-in-the-GOOD-sense), I think it's time to start writing again.

And ten or twelve people just shrugged and said, 'OK, whatever'.

Back from the vacation, where I managed to righteously whack out my back in the Cedar Point wave pool. Good for me. I now hobble around like a ninety year old, and if it weren't for the double stroller we brought in case our three year olds got tired, worn out, or just plumb tuckered, I wouldn't have even had a walker. Seriously, I look like some malicious kid broke me in two and then glued me back together improperly.

Degrading body foreshadowing incipent middle age tilt is mine.

In poker news, I am card dead and playing like a donkey simultaneously. But! Oh but! The Big Game is coming the Big Game is coming the Big Game the Big Game is coming!

I loves me some Big Game, people. Big prize pool, decent stakes, and most especially, deep stacks. Yes, the deep stacks that let you make a move without crippling yourself. The deep stacks that give you room to maneuver. And . . . hey, Don! What about this? PokerStars does a quarterly $1000 on the Sunday Millions, what about a Biannual Big BIG Game with $150 entry fee and Super Stacks? Does FT's private tourny builder allow it? Count me in if you do it. I will be there fo sho.

If you'll recall (not necessary, actually, I'm about to tell you), I nearly took the Big Game apart when I flopped a set while we were four handed and I was one of the two big stacks. The other big stack was fluxer. Now, fluxer is a man of many abilities. He can arm-rassle any genetic mutant intermingling that Dr. Mureau can concoct (including the beaverpanzee, the chicken-coon, and the voracious ratapus). He can start and continue wildly amusing blogger feuds. He can make cider out of his own pee. He can put his hands in the air. He can wave them in such a way that it would make bystanders believe that he simply does not care. He can recite entire episodes of The A Team by memory. But he can't lay down an up and down straight draw for all his chips. And he got lucky to send me to the rail, where I railed to the poker gods my poor fortune.

So here comes, boys and girls. The end of the BBT. My chance to seal the deal and land in the top 50 and the freeroll. My chance to take down the tournament.

And if you haven't all been thanking Al and Hoy and Mookie and Don for making this awesome, awesome series happen . . . go do so now. Go! Do it! I'll wait to finish my post. Then congratulate Pauly for cashing in the WSOP! Then sign up with Blinders new site! Then go to Chad's site and . . . never mind, he doesn't have time for you, he's final tabling four MTTs right now even as we speak. But go thank the BBT organizers! Go! Go now!

OK, you did it? You're back?

Suckers. I'm done with my post anyway.

Mookie 001: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Suckout

"Room service? Send up a new room."
-Groucho

I am in an odd mood today. Today I have learned to love the bad beat.

I don't usually give out beats. Truly. Once a tourny I'll drop a really filthy one, but those are some long tournies. Sometimes I don't even drop a one. I really do try to play well, and when I succeed in that, I usually lose quickly. But never mind that.

Also when I play bad, I usually find my night over in a quickness. Not last night. I played about my worst poker at the Mook and managed to suck out at least three times by my count to send various friends, criminals and other riff-raff to the rail, on my way to the points. Oh my goodness, I played bad. I won't apologize. They were asking for it; they were playing poker. So are we all.

I'll try to remember that the next time my good play results in no chips.

Today I don't want to hear about the joy of a great bluff. I don't want to hear about the beauty of a nice trap. That's good poker, and that's a good feeling, but it's the kind of good feeling you get from eating healthy and running a mile in the morning. The joy of a great suckout is better. It's more like being pulled over and getting off with a warning. It's like your team needing to make a desperation heave at half court . . . and making it. You are utterly dead, and then you're utterly alive. You were going home, and the miracle saved you.

It's not good poker, but baby, it's loverly. You've never shouted out "YESSSSSS!" with fist pump like you have when you hit that one-outer for all the croutons. Just admit it.

And I'll go you one further. The suckout is what makes good play sweet. Imagine that feeling, of your good hand holding up. Without the threat of loss, is it as sweet? If Aces hold up in the forest, and runner-runner wasn't there to catch it, does Mike Matusow still cackle like a wounded hyena? Eh? Eh? Eh?

So raise your glasses to the beauty of a suckout. Without it, we'd just be playing paper-rock-scissors.

Doing The MATH 005: Losing Is Not Gold

Well, I went ahead and played the old MATH, partly because I was feeling salty, lucky and ready to drop the hammer, and partly to congratulate Hoyazo for his WSOP cash. That's an achievement, and one I know we're all proud of, however vicariously.

Good job, Hoy.

I sat out the first level, which seems to be a good way to start, since I caught quads my very first hand, and got paid enough to make it worth my while (actually I think the guy lost the minimum).

I played a nice group of hands and was running well until I foolishly ran my sevens into NewinNov's Aces, though I'd been abusing the guy so horribly he was afraid when I played back. He got the last laugh, though, and doubled through me, then finally outlasted me.

Abuse. I was abusive tonight. Good on me.

I abused BuddyDank too, enough so that he started using his radio-show/live commentary to castigate me loudly. For what it's worth, Buddy, I love the podcast. Just another layer of coolness to the BBT. Keep it up, please, and play some Herbie Hancock next time, willya? Or some Coltrane? Mmmmmm, Coltrane.

I busted Hoy with Jacks when he bravely pushed with the hammer as a shorty. If only I'd had the JackAce I'd have been on a freeroll. Beeeeeauty. I asked whether my busting him meant that I also have cashed in the WSOP, and he said 'yes.' So . . . I cashed in the WSOP!!!!!! WHOOO HOOOOOOO!

Ahem.

I made the points without cashing, which is a first for me. I don't really know what to do with that, but I guess it helps me keep my claw-hold onto the tail end of the top 50. I pushed my threes into leftylu who had to make a tough call for most of (his? her?) chips with sixes. The call was made, though, and I go all kinds of home now. Good one, lefty.

Congrats to Lucko for taking it down.

OK, more table profiles soon. Until we meet again, I remain yours truly,

-Rufus T. Firefly

Under The Microscope 004: The Case Of The Final Click

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
-Groucho

All right, here's a hand that I'm still working through from the $26K that I final tabled last week. I am pretty sure that this was a 'hinge' hand in my tournament run. I think I played it correctly in some places, and I think I made one huge mistake.

Comments are very much the point of this post, so please let me know what you think.


The Set-Up

At this point we have just broken down to two tables about 15 min. ago. I'm playing with mainly new players, so I only have a couple dozen hands and not much yet in the way of reads. A couple shorties have been busted. Everybody is playing fairly LAG, but I don't read much into that because the blinds are 6000/12000 with an Ante of 1500.


Preflop

Thus, the pot is 25,000 before any action comes.

I am a medium stack with 189,394.

My M is around 7.5.

I just successfully stole the blinds and antes by raising 36,000.

I am UTG and am dealt [Kc Qd]. I decide that this is a strong enough hand at 6-handed to attempt a steal. I raise to 36,000, because (1) it has become the table-accepted standard opening bet, and (2) I can let go to a re-raise (no way I'm calling a re-raise with the Anna K out of position).

It folds to Vang4You, who is sitting behind 163,320. He thinks until he gets the 15-second warning, and then calls for 24,000 more.

What do you think of the raise to steal UTG with KQo?


Flop

*** FLOP *** [2s Qs 2d]

Nice. TPSK. Paired board but can I really put him on a call with 2x? I am pretty sure I'm ahead here. Vang checks and I fire out another 55,000.

Vang thinks. Counter ticks down. Ticks. Ticks.

Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks . . .


He calls on the last tick.

What do you think of this move? Did you just say 'uh-oh' too? What is your opinion on the size of the flop bet?


Turn

*** TURN *** [2s Qs 2d] [Jd]

Vang checks. I do NOT like that little 'last tick' call. Too too fishy for me.

I wait a respectable amount of time, and check.

Is checking correct here, or have I just given the hand away while still holding TPSK?


River

*** RIVER *** [2s Qs 2d Jd] [9s]

Vang4You waits until the last friggin' tick, then bets all-in for 70,820. If I call with top pair and he has AA, KK, AQ, or any deuce, I am crippled with enough for the small blind.

I finally fold my hand.

Good fold?


Aftermath

About five hands later, I creep into the Final Table with the second lowest stack and an M of around 1.5. I win a big race against 88 with overcards, and play 'stay alive' until I make a big pot against the chipleader, then lose most of that to none other than Vang, who has shown himself to be a total maniac. He gets Tens with a much worse kicker than me, but his kicker makes him two pair.

I lose a raise to the chipleaders 77 not long after that.

My feeling is that this is the hand that made the difference between a fifth place finish and a real chance at a win. Either the fold on the river was a big mistake, or just playing the hand in the first place was a mistake. Or maybe it was just a train wreck.

If I had all those chips going into the FT, I'd have made a lot more off my race with the chipleader, who was WAY better stacked than anybody else and calling everybody's all-ins Jamie Gold style. I'd have been able to play more conservatively. I wouldn't have had to depend so much on races.

I still wonder what he had. Was that final tick call a cliched use of 'weak is strong' online foolery? Or was it a knowing misdirection, using 'weak-is-strong-is-weak' thinking?

In the end, I like my fold, but I only like it in the same way you like your 678th favorite food. There were too many hands that would beat, and that isn't where I wanted to go out. But . . . might I have just woken up to find I had shot an elephant wearing my pajamas?

This is the hinge hand of my tournament. I think it cost me over a thousand dollars.

Final Wheatie: Get The Word Out

The final Wheatie is tonight.

PokerStars

8:30 PM EST.

Password: monkey


Sign up, and pass it on. A whole lot of us started Blogger Tournaments because of the Wheatie. WBPT came first, but I think this was the first regular weekly tournament and it's been going steady for more than two years.

Get out there bloggers, sign up to say So Long And Thanks For All The Chips.

Requiem For A Wheat

I read the news today oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
He got a call from PokerStars
They'd just now noticed that the laws had changed
The trolls and Trekkers always railed
They'd seen his face before
But nobody was really sure
If he was from the Starfleet Corps.

I played a game today oh boy
And Maigrey had just won a hammer war
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look
Having read the book

Woke up, fell out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
Logging in I was nearly late
Found my beer and shoved my cat
Made my seat in seconds flat
Found a pot and took a poke
Everybody spoke and I went into a dream

I read the news today oh boy
Four thousand holes in UIGA
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Rio Hall


Blogger Tournies in the BBT to date: 26 Tournaments played. $27,958 in prize money.

It started with the Wheatie.

gg Wil

Thanks.

-Goat

Table Profiles 003: The Drunkey

General Profile: The ultimate social player, The Drunkey is in every pot he can. He'll raise. He'll call. Don't look for any reasons for individual actions. He has 6 tables open, and is surfing the net while trying to make the room stop spinnnnnning. Just find him. Whatever you do, find him. Sit to his left. Wait for the magic to start.

Natural Habitat: Friday night. Saturday morning. Saturday night.

Strengths: Is typically hilarious, is obliviously lucky. Untiltable.

Weaknesses: Thinks he's playing Omaha. Oblivious to how many times he's re-bought. Thinks the 'pot' button will score him weed.

Motto: Hey, where are my other 2 dam cards????

Favorite Hand: Ace-nine of splubearts. Also, any gapper that will make a straight such as Q6, K4, etc.

In the iPod: Either Buffett has been thrown onto the iPod, or the iPod's been thrown into the buffet. That's the difference between ten o'clock PM and ten o'clock AM.

Hobbies: Drinking. All-ins. Reloading. Re-drinking.

Care & Feeding: The Drunkey may get lucky on you or wake up with a hand. This is fine. He's just holding it for you. Please remember this, or you may become a Mocker, the lowest form of online poker life.

Whatever you do, do NOT fail to compliment The Drunkey on his magnificent play. Point out how many outs he had. Remember, you are your Drunkey's advocate, and if it ever gets through to him that he needs to stop spewing chips, he may be gone. This would be sad. If anybody mocks his play, do NOT stop mocking the Mocker until your scorn for him and your defense of Drunkey has reached almost embarrassing levels.

Example:

The Drunkey wins pot ($189)

The Drunkey: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mocker: OMG

Mocker: Do you even know how to PLAY????

Mocker: lol you'll be buying in again soon

Hero: He was ahead the whole time

The Drunkey: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mocker: He was not

Hero: Totally, he had high and low and top draw with 19 outs twice, I'd have played it the same way Mocker: WTF are u talking about??
Hero: Drunkey's the best player at the table

The Drunkey: I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!!!
Hero: Watch him, you might learn something

Mocker: lol he's a donk

Hero: I take it back, I doubt you'll ever learn anything

The Drunkey: Where are my keys???

It is important to remind the beginner not to let up on the Mocker. Do NOT let up. It is a well known fact that anybody who chases away a Drunky has destroyed all poker karma and will be doomed to babysit Eminem's children for the next decade.