General Profile: Aggressive, assertive, illiterate and gregarious, Professor Stupid has read way WAY up on poker. He's taken pages of careful notes in red crayon. His shelves are chock-a-block with Sklansky, Harrington, Brunson, Hellmuth, Gordon and Greenstein. He's read every page five times. He really, really, really wants you to know this. He also wants to let you know that he has PokerTracker. He wants you to know what your stats are. He wants to tell you his own stats. These are never made up.
Found at: $25 max buy-in NLHE ring games. $3 Rebuys.
Strength: Strong starting hands, calculates pot odds before every decision.
Weakness: Mis-calculates pot odds before every descision, girls scare him.
Favorite Hand: Slow-played Aces. Unbeatable, beautiful slow-played Aces.
In The iPod: A Bluff Magazine podcast interview with Phil Hellmuth, in which the phrase "ten time world champion" is used repeatedly.
Motto: OMG I can't believe u called there.
Hobbies: Regulations, rules, berating, using poker jargon, not noticing board texture.
Will Be Stacking U: "Before two long."
Care and Feeding: For best effect, starve your Professor Stupid of praise. You must also take great pains to properly tilt your Professor Stupid before busting him. Do this with his favorite tool; the chat box. Here's how: (1) when he writes something, reply, 'no'. (2) Repeat.
Prof_Stupid: lol u r not going to last anothre our with that play
Prof_Stupid: U get lucky caught your 3 outer
Prof_Stupid: Yes, you needed a K to win 4% to win preflop
Hero: Not at all.
Prof_Stupid: U don't even know u donk
Hero: No no no no, oh my goodness no.
Prof_Stupid: U had middle pair.
Hero: No I didn't.
Prof_Stupid: Yes u did!
Hero: Check the hand history.
Prof_Stupid: I'm LOOKING at it u donk.
Hero: Me too. See how you're incorrect?
Prof_Stupid: no, it shows the K on the river!
Hero: No it doesn't.
Prof_Stupid: Yes it DOES Hand #333748490 look at it
Hero: Not a bit of it
Prof_Stupid: ur Sharkscope sux
And so forth. This is especially effective if Professor Stupid happens to be correct. This does not give you a particular edge over Professor Stupid (face it, you don't need one), but it is a lot of fun.