The Big Game 002: Hanging With Big Dogs

Not too bad. Final table, fourth place in the Big Game, outlasted my whole (insanely stacked with talented players) starting table, got into the cash and all that. I even busted after getting all-in as a considerable favorite vs. fluxer, who actually said “How can I fold 64 offsuit?” before calling for all but a couple thousand of his entire 1st place stack with top pair/straight draw against my flopped top set of sixes.

Called off his whole stack with 8 outs. Gah. Suddenly and once again, rants make more sense to me.

Only problem is, I got to the money on the back of a couple disgusting suckouts at the expense of skiddoo and Ddyionysus. They’re probably feeling a little chapped right now.

So I can only rant half-heartedly.

As I write this, it’s three-handed and twoblackaces is battling fluxer and oossuuu754. You might remember oossuuu754 from my previous entry* as the person who actually got me ranty about 6 weeks ago by calling his whole stack off and busting me with a 2-outer when I had . . . a made set of sixes.

* probably not.

Holy freaking crap, Hoyazo finished 101st in the Main Event. Of course he got called by unsuited overs and lost the race. Batten down the hatches, we may have a rant, my friends. Though that was an amazing run. Perhaps the good will outweigh the sordid ending for our lad Hoy. I don’t have enough ‘congratulations’ in my keyboard for such an accomplishment. Go over to Hoy’s blog and holla.

OSU played very well in my opinion. He came from being in last place for a long time to deep into the final table. I’m actually rooting for him – whoops, he’s out in third.

I’ll charge $10 an hour to not rail you.

OK, so here we go. Let’s break this down Goat-style. As always, starting table bios are entirely slanderous and uncalled-for.


Meet My Starting Table*

Much like Shawn Kemp, Ddionysus has many sons. Many sons has Ddionysus. I am one of them, and so are you. So let’s all sing along, with a right (with a right)! And a left (and a left)!

His motto is: If at first you don’t succeed, try something else. That first thing you tried sucked.



hoyazo was a hard drinking codger in the deepest part of Appalachia until, one fine spring day, thirsty for more than his own home-brewed bathtub gin, he crawled from the foothills of the Smokeys and into Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. He now works in the Hillbilly Disneyland as a talent scout for circus freaks. He is paid in candy corn. His clipboard frightens the bearded lady, but that’s really more her'n problem than it is his'n.

His motto is: Jug-bands is over-rated, son. Try this here mouth harp instead.


summer_babe is unmistakable in his appearance and preceded by his reputation. Many things have been written about summer_babe, but I know his true identity, which I will now divulge to you.

Summer_babe is actually Medowlark Lemon, formerly of the Harlem Globetrotters. When he’s not playing online poker, he’s entertaining children with those trick rubber-band basketballs and shooting dice for their lunch money.

His motto is: Come on, Curley! We gotta help Scooby and the kids solve this mystery . . . with basketball!


a104l9 drinks. He drinks a lot. He stabs happy people for good luck. He gives away the ending of the movie. He loves to peel bananas. He collects his whiskers in a sack, and he gives the sack to the Salvation Army when it is full. He crashes the stage. He knows where the kittens are buried. He shoots skeet with a Howitzer.

But mainly, he drinks.

his motto is: Guns . . . now, more than ever.


NightRanger has a hankering for sardines that nothing can satiate, not even sardines. The guy has a greedy look in his eyes at all times that makes nuns avoid him and telemarketers wince.

His motto is: Hey man . . . can you spare a sardine?


DrPauly angered the gods when he brought mankind the secret recipe for Mad Dog 20/20. He is doomed to have his hammers cracked by overpairs.

His motto is: Anger! And MORE of it!


s_bayne used to run with a rough crowd. Now he speed-walks with a rough crowd. They enjoy a nice vente latte from time to time. OK, the crowd isn’t really that rough. OK, it’s not technically a ‘crowd.’ OK, it’s just him.

His motto is: If not now, when? If not me, who? If not why, where? If not what . . . huh?

* Seriously, folks. Iggy and Hoy and Pauly AND s_bayne AND DDiyonisius AND the Pirate AND STB??? Leaderboard mainstays. Blogging legends. And . . . me.

I know that this is the Big Game, serious inquiries only, and there are a lot of solid players in there that weren’t sitting at my table to start out but . . .that’s a rough starting table. Don't argue with me about this.

Here are eleven hands that shaped my night, and an imaginary one thrown in to make an even dozen.


The Magnificent Eleven

Hand #1: Pauly gets off the hook
Stack: 3,365
Blinds: 50/100

The starting table was way tight, and I played accordingly. The first large pot of the night didn't happen until right before the break. I found Td Ts in the small blind and popped it x4 to limpers Iggy and cemedfred.

Pauly insta-called from the big blind. Hum, hummm.

Then this lovely board came:

Now, that's what I'm talkin' bout. I try to decide what Pauly's got with that insta-call, and I come up with:

A) overpair.

B) figured me for a steal here (not unlikely as I'd been bobbing and weaving at the blinds and Pauly probably doesn't put up with that mess forever)

C) Mis-click.

Hoping for Option A, I fired out 700. Pauly thought a nice long time, and finally folded. Dang it.


Hand #2: Flopped straights are garbage, episode 23,456
Stack: 3,865
Blinds: 80/160

Derek has recently come to the table and has been hyper-aggressive pushing all-in about 1 or 2 times a rotation. I figure we have a "screw it, double-up or go home" kind of game going on.

It folds to Derek who limps. I am once again in the small blind and find Ah 5d. I limp and Pauly checks.

Flop: [3c 2c 4h] Magnifico. I bet 300 and call when Derek pushes all in.

He shows Ac 8c. He's dead to a five.

Turn is a five. Golly. Gee whiz. Fiddle dee-dee. Chipchop.

River is a six, just to really show me what a flopped straight is worth.


Hand #3: The Dwarf Embiggins
Stack: 10,745
Blinds: 250/500, Ante 50

We've moved tables. Here's who we've got sitting down:

I've been chipping up in smallish increments and the play has shifted into a rather pushy mode. RecessRampage raises a little more than 3x (1,600) before it gets to me and my Jc Jh in middle position. I don't want to commit all my chips with JJ in case ol' Recess woke up with a hand or feels like racing with overs, so I min. raise to see what he does. But . . .

Iggy goes all in for 4,715, and I pretty resign myself to the fact that I have to call him for just 1,700 more . . . when Recess goes all in, too, for 9,985.

And that's it for me. I fold here pretty much every single time. And a good thing, too.

Iggy has Aces.

Recess has Kings.

And Iggy has a bunch more chips. I'd have gone home right there. Remember, kids, Jacks can't sustain that much pressure. Find the old fold button.


Hand #4: The Goat Escape
Stack 4,145
Blinds: 400/800, Ante 100

We're five-handed right before the final table. Ms are microscopic. Crippled by some badly timed pushes, I have to go big or go home. Iggy's got a big stack UTG and min-raises, which he's been doing for about 1/2 hour in spite of the fact that (because?) it drives oossuuu754 nuts when he does it.

The min-raise means Iggy's got something worth playing five-handed, but the range is huge. I push with QdTh.

Iggy thinks for what seems like forever (probably about 10 seconds) and calls.

He shows 6c Ad, and we have a respectable race.

Flop 8h 4h 6h. Nice. The six does nothing much for him, and I have a flush draw.

Turn: Td. Even nicer. Now I don't need a heart, just no Ace no six, no Ace no six, no Ace no six . . .

River: Ace

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The pot ships to me. Huh? Let's look again.

River: Ah

W00000000000000000000000000T!!!!


Hand #5: Call Me Butter, I'm On A Roll
Stack: 11,015
Blinds 500/1,000, Ante 125

Still five-handed, Iggy min-raises and it folds to my blind. I decide Iggy's range is large enough to call with T7.

Flop: [3h Ts 3c]

I check, Iggy C-bets 2,100, and I raise him all-in and hope he doesn't have an overpair. Iggy thinks as long as he can, folds.


Hand #6 : First Suckout

FullTilt doesn't have this hand as far as I can see. I lay a savage suckout on iam23skiddoo when I call his AK all-in with a smaller Ace and suckout (I'm pretty sure that's what happened). Anyway, there'd been so much pushing and shoving that I don't hate my call with a naked Ace there, but I was way behind and skiddoo was way way ahead when the money went in. No other way to say it than I lucked out.

And we're to the Final Table


















Hand #7

FullTilt does have this hand, but it's the same story. I lay a savage suckout on Ddionysius when I call his AK all-in with a smaller Ace and suckout. Anyway, there'd been so much pushing and shoving that I don't hate my call with a naked Ace there, but I was way behind and skiddoo was way way ahead when the money went in. No other way to say it than I lucked out.



Sorry, skiddoo, sorry Dionysius. But not really.


Hands #8, 9, 10: The Queens of Heart
Stack: 12,123, 15,373, 23,373
Blinds: 1,000/2,000, 250 Antes

We're in the money, and I've donked off about a third of my chips with a really dumb play vs. Iggy with threes. Just when my card-deadness is at it's card-deadest, and I think I'm going to have to push all in with Zeppo-cards or worse, I get this over a five hand span:

As Qh

Ah Qh

Ah Qh

The first two times I pushed and won the (non inconsiderable) blinds. The third time Iggy went all-in from UTG and fluxer smooth called.

I started to think as it folded around to me, and what I decided was this:

1) Iggy's range is fairly large because his M is getting dire. So it is with us all, but I figure I have a pretty good chance of racing Iggy or dominating him. I know I will push in that situation with about any Ace, any pair, and probably most King-high and Queen-high. Gotta stay ahead of those gobbly blinds.

2) I'd rather not fold and have to face a must-steal situation with worse cards in 3-4 hands.

3) fluxer -- easily the biggest stack with over 50,000 either has (a) a monster that he is confident enough with to simply call with everybody else yet to act or (b) a decent-ish hand that he'd like to play heads-up, but he's forgotten to raise to isolate.

I think it's the last one.

(4) It's go time.

I push all-in. Fluxer folds. Iggy shows me ducks. The Ace I catch on the flop keeps me ahead and I've busted Iggy.

I've busted Iggy. Wow.

Meanwhile, fluxer is calling me a donkey for my play. He says he folded nines. In response, I now have this to say to fluxor: (1) I would have tripled up had you called; (2) Raise to isolate next time; (3) Kindly review the next hand on this post.

Hand #11 : How Can I Fold My Drawing Hand?
Stack: 48,503
Blinds: 1,000/2,000, 250 Antes

Four-handed now.

Fluxer has a stack of 51,251 and raises it to 8,000 on the button.

I have 6c 6h in the big blind and I call. This is my mistake in the hand, I should have raised.

Flop: 3c 5c 6s

Blammo! I check to draw the raise which is obviously coming from old Fluxer, and he obliges with 9,000 more. I count to three and go all in.

He thinks his time bar down to a nubbin and types: this is so sickening how can i fold 64o here

Then he calls.

So to sum up, he bet about one sixth of his stack with 64 offsuit. He's stealing, I get it. He'd have folded a raise. HOWever . . . 64 offsuit is 64 offsuit.

Then he calls off the rest of his chips on a OESD.

No further questions, your honor.


Hand #12: Paradise Lost
This hand is dedicated to the final hand that I would have played if that 2 hadn't smacked the turn, a final hand which would may well have ended with me taking down the Big Game. So long, hand 12, we never knew ye.


Enough of my puling and wailing like a sick mule. I had a great time, as always. BBT points and money are good things. Thanks to Miami Don for hosting . . . and see you at the next big game.